There are some missing persons among victims of the star-studded sex abusers—the ones that went along. I began noticing that with Harvey Weinstein. Women spoke of being pressured and humiliated by perverse demands, but those who came forward had rejected his advances. Where were the women that did not fight him off?
And what of
the latest sexual lecher Matt Lauer—the guy with the door lock button installed
under his office desk yet producers didn’t have a clue? But give them a break,
the video of Lauer
telling Meredith Viera: “Keep bending over like that. It’s a nice view,” had
not gone viral yet, so how could a news organization have known? We hear complaints
from women who were pressured or cornered, but what about the women—all
underlings they say—who consented?
And what of
the latest sexual lecher Matt Lauer—the guy with the door lock button installed
under his office desk yet producers didn’t have a clue? But give them a break,
the video of Lauer
telling Meredith Viera: “Keep bending over like that. It’s a nice view,” had
not gone viral yet, so how could a news organization have known? We hear complaints
from women who were pressured or cornered, but what about the women—all
underlings they say—who consented?
While the perpetrators’ responses have varied from apologizing and disappearing to Al Franken’s claim
that he did nothing wrong, the emerging victims have generally all been women
who told them no.
that he did nothing wrong, the emerging victims have generally all been women
who told them no.
The
Ones Who Said Yes
Ones Who Said Yes
Where are
the women who said yes in exchange for a job, or a role, or promotion, or whatever
opportunity was promised? I believe that these women are the most wounded
victims of them all. The ones who did not find the strength to say no or maybe
they believed they actually wanted to say yes and now they suffer in silence.
the women who said yes in exchange for a job, or a role, or promotion, or whatever
opportunity was promised? I believe that these women are the most wounded
victims of them all. The ones who did not find the strength to say no or maybe
they believed they actually wanted to say yes and now they suffer in silence.
It’s likely
that at least some of those victims were sexually abused in their childhood. Boundaries
and self-respect were taken from them early on, making it more likely they
would just go along to get along. Since others in authority had already used
their bodies when they were children, why not use it for their own personal
gain now? At least that is how it might
have seemed.
that at least some of those victims were sexually abused in their childhood. Boundaries
and self-respect were taken from them early on, making it more likely they
would just go along to get along. Since others in authority had already used
their bodies when they were children, why not use it for their own personal
gain now? At least that is how it might
have seemed.
In a past
interview with former sex trade worker, Windie Lazenko founder of 4her: Anyone’s Daughter, Everyone’s Community, an
advocacy group against human trafficking, she explained that child sexual abuse
is common among prostitutes and women in the sex trades. I had also heard the
same thing from a former stripper. As
Lazenko explained, when she was young, people used her body. As an adult, she
told herself she was in control and she was the one using it herself. But really, it was just a continuation of the
abuse that stems from the message that you do not deserve to be treated with
dignity; that your body is available for the pleasure of others.
interview with former sex trade worker, Windie Lazenko founder of 4her: Anyone’s Daughter, Everyone’s Community, an
advocacy group against human trafficking, she explained that child sexual abuse
is common among prostitutes and women in the sex trades. I had also heard the
same thing from a former stripper. As
Lazenko explained, when she was young, people used her body. As an adult, she
told herself she was in control and she was the one using it herself. But really, it was just a continuation of the
abuse that stems from the message that you do not deserve to be treated with
dignity; that your body is available for the pleasure of others.
And who else
might be among the silent? Star-struck women who saw it as their ticket to get
ahead? Perhaps famous names who made it big but don’t want the world to know about the past degradation on the way to stardom?
A former aspiring actress that I once
interviewed, had waited tables while going to auditions trying to make it in Hollywood.
She was sometimes chided by other aspiring actors and actresses for being
prudish, unwilling to give sexual favors on a casting couch. Everyone knew about the casting couch. Obviously many complied.
The pressure could
be just as bad for young men, she told me, and we know women were not the only
victims. Although a few commercials legitimately came her way, she eventually
gave up on Hollywood and moved home.
might be among the silent? Star-struck women who saw it as their ticket to get
ahead? Perhaps famous names who made it big but don’t want the world to know about the past degradation on the way to stardom?
A former aspiring actress that I once
interviewed, had waited tables while going to auditions trying to make it in Hollywood.
She was sometimes chided by other aspiring actors and actresses for being
prudish, unwilling to give sexual favors on a casting couch. Everyone knew about the casting couch. Obviously many complied.
The pressure could
be just as bad for young men, she told me, and we know women were not the only
victims. Although a few commercials legitimately came her way, she eventually
gave up on Hollywood and moved home.
And who were
the women inside of Lauer’s locked office?
Did they go along because they were afraid of losing their jobs? Or did
they think they could get ahead that way? Whatever the reason, as they read the
news about him, surely they feel some level of shame for being one of those
women who made Matt who he is today.
the women inside of Lauer’s locked office?
Did they go along because they were afraid of losing their jobs? Or did
they think they could get ahead that way? Whatever the reason, as they read the
news about him, surely they feel some level of shame for being one of those
women who made Matt who he is today.
Theology of the Body
So much
pain. So much shame. There is a better way.
pain. So much shame. There is a better way.
When Saint
Pope John Paul II taught on Theology
of the Body, he understood that the culture was distorting the true meaning
of love and sexuality, trading
morality for licentiousness.
Pope John Paul II taught on Theology
of the Body, he understood that the culture was distorting the true meaning
of love and sexuality, trading
morality for licentiousness.
He taught
that sex is not just about sex but points to our deepest held convictions about
who we are, who God is, and the meaning of love and ordering of society. His
teachings illuminated God’s plan for human life in a supernatural light.
that sex is not just about sex but points to our deepest held convictions about
who we are, who God is, and the meaning of love and ordering of society. His
teachings illuminated God’s plan for human life in a supernatural light.
Human
sexuality is a gift, but the abusers indulged their temptations without respect
of others, including themselves. Christ teaches in John 16:12, that we are to
love as he loves. There was no love. Even victims, who believed they were
consenting, were hurt.
sexuality is a gift, but the abusers indulged their temptations without respect
of others, including themselves. Christ teaches in John 16:12, that we are to
love as he loves. There was no love. Even victims, who believed they were
consenting, were hurt.
Regardless of
who the victims are, they were made with value and dignity. We need to get back
to that. Is it possible that people will
start to wake up to the fact that by throwing out morality, we have not ended
up in a better place? I’m not expecting
a reverse sexual revolution quite yet, but perhaps, as the façade begins to
crack, the light of truth will start to shine in.
who the victims are, they were made with value and dignity. We need to get back
to that. Is it possible that people will
start to wake up to the fact that by throwing out morality, we have not ended
up in a better place? I’m not expecting
a reverse sexual revolution quite yet, but perhaps, as the façade begins to
crack, the light of truth will start to shine in.
~~~~~~~~~~~
For more inspiration check out Patti’s latest book: Holy Hacks: Everyday Ways to Live Your Faith & Get to Heaven. Other books include: Big Hearted: Inspiring Stories from Everyday Families and the best-selling Amazing Grace Series.
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