“Father, I’m ready to throw in
the towel,” Brad stated. “How long am I suppose to take this?” –– A story that shows the power of prayer to renew marriage.
Shuffling
through the mail, Brad Kremmer pulled out several envelopes from credit card
companies and ripped them open. His
muscles tightened as he skimmed over the new balances.
through the mail, Brad Kremmer pulled out several envelopes from credit card
companies and ripped them open. His
muscles tightened as he skimmed over the new balances.
“She’s lied again,” Brad
realized. His wife, Jennifer, had
promised to stop gambling at the casino and going on out-of-control buying
sprees. She seemed to understand the
seriousness of their mounting debts when she
tearfully promised to quit. Instead, she
had gone through at least another two thousand dollars.
realized. His wife, Jennifer, had
promised to stop gambling at the casino and going on out-of-control buying
sprees. She seemed to understand the
seriousness of their mounting debts when she
tearfully promised to quit. Instead, she
had gone through at least another two thousand dollars.
“Jennifer,”
he called angrily to his wife. “You’ve
got to stop. Can’t you see we’ll end up
going bankrupt?”
he called angrily to his wife. “You’ve
got to stop. Can’t you see we’ll end up
going bankrupt?”
stiffened when she saw Brad’s disappointed face and the pile of bills in his
hands. Up until that moment, she had
always responded with shame and remorse over her gambling and spending
addiction. But suddenly, she released
her own building tension.
“I’m stuck
home all day with nothing to do but take care of Kristin and housework,” she
yelled. “All you do is complain and
treat me like a child. I’m sick of it
and I’m sick of you…I’m leaving!”
home all day with nothing to do but take care of Kristin and housework,” she
yelled. “All you do is complain and
treat me like a child. I’m sick of it
and I’m sick of you…I’m leaving!”
“Where are
you going?” Brad demanded.
you going?” Brad demanded.
“Out!”
Jennifer screamed. “And don’t bother to
wait up for me.”
Jennifer screamed. “And don’t bother to
wait up for me.”
Brad looked
out the window as his wife sped off in the direction of the casino, where so
much of his hard-earned money had gone the last couple months.
out the window as his wife sped off in the direction of the casino, where so
much of his hard-earned money had gone the last couple months.
“Dear
God,” he prayed. “Watch over her. I’ll do whatever it takes to
help her, but I don’t know what to do anymore.
Please help us so Kristin and I can have her back the way she was.”
God,” he prayed. “Watch over her. I’ll do whatever it takes to
help her, but I don’t know what to do anymore.
Please help us so Kristin and I can have her back the way she was.”
“Daddy,” histwo-year-old daughter’s voice broke his reverie. “Where’s mommy?”
“She’s
taking a little break, Kristin,” Brad answered gently picking her up. “Let’s get something to eat and then we can
go for a walk, okay?”
taking a little break, Kristin,” Brad answered gently picking her up. “Let’s get something to eat and then we can
go for a walk, okay?”
Brad smiled
at his little girl and choked back his tears.
There was a time when he and Jennifer delighted together in their
daughter. But now, it seemed the only
thing that Jennifer cared about was gambling and shopping. It had happened so fast that Brad did not
understand it. Ironically, Jennifer’s
addiction emerged shortly after he began getting serious about his faith.
at his little girl and choked back his tears.
There was a time when he and Jennifer delighted together in their
daughter. But now, it seemed the only
thing that Jennifer cared about was gambling and shopping. It had happened so fast that Brad did not
understand it. Ironically, Jennifer’s
addiction emerged shortly after he began getting serious about his faith.
Falling in Love
Brad and
Jennifer were only twenty and nineteen, when they married on June 27, 1992. A physical
attraction sparked immediately when they met and the emotional attraction
followed easily. Brad was from a
Catholic family with four children.
Jennifer was Catholic too, but she had been raised as an only child of a
single mom. Brad’s levelheaded nature
and warm affection gave her a sense of security she had missed by being cared
for by baby-sitters so much of her life. Jennifer’s beauty and fun-loving personality were irresistible to
Brad. Marriage made Jennifer feel
special and more grown up compared to all her single girlfriends. Having a
good-looking and attentive husband seemed to erase all the years of not having
a father in her life.
Jennifer were only twenty and nineteen, when they married on June 27, 1992. A physical
attraction sparked immediately when they met and the emotional attraction
followed easily. Brad was from a
Catholic family with four children.
Jennifer was Catholic too, but she had been raised as an only child of a
single mom. Brad’s levelheaded nature
and warm affection gave her a sense of security she had missed by being cared
for by baby-sitters so much of her life. Jennifer’s beauty and fun-loving personality were irresistible to
Brad. Marriage made Jennifer feel
special and more grown up compared to all her single girlfriends. Having a
good-looking and attentive husband seemed to erase all the years of not having
a father in her life.
Brad started
his own graphic arts business and Jennifer had her own shoe shine company. Life was good: independence, business
success, love, and plenty of friends and parties. Two years into the marriage, Jennifer discovered
she was pregnant In spite of a twinge of fear, excitement over having a baby
filled her. Brad was one-hundred-percent
thrilled.
his own graphic arts business and Jennifer had her own shoe shine company. Life was good: independence, business
success, love, and plenty of friends and parties. Two years into the marriage, Jennifer discovered
she was pregnant In spite of a twinge of fear, excitement over having a baby
filled her. Brad was one-hundred-percent
thrilled.
As her belly
grew, Jennifer often daydreamed of rocking her newborn to sleep all snuggled up
in a soft blanket. But when baby Kristin
entered the world, jaundice and a difficult time nursing shattered Jennifer’s
perfect image. This and sleep deprivation brought out Jennifer’s low stress
threshold and strong-will. Crying and
lashing out at Brad became second nature.
Initially, Brad’s easy-going disposition chalked it up to hormones and
lack of sleep. But when it became
habitual, he firmly told Jennifer he did not appreciate her treating him that
way. Still, Jennifer had poor self-control when stress mounted, so Brad learned
to mostly stay out of her way until she pulled herself back together.
grew, Jennifer often daydreamed of rocking her newborn to sleep all snuggled up
in a soft blanket. But when baby Kristin
entered the world, jaundice and a difficult time nursing shattered Jennifer’s
perfect image. This and sleep deprivation brought out Jennifer’s low stress
threshold and strong-will. Crying and
lashing out at Brad became second nature.
Initially, Brad’s easy-going disposition chalked it up to hormones and
lack of sleep. But when it became
habitual, he firmly told Jennifer he did not appreciate her treating him that
way. Still, Jennifer had poor self-control when stress mounted, so Brad learned
to mostly stay out of her way until she pulled herself back together.
Within a few
weeks, Kristin’s medical and nursing problems cleared up and Jennifer began to
embrace her new role as a mother.
Jennifer and Brad agreed that she would stay home to care for the
baby. Caring for her little girl filled
her with happiness. Jennifer often delighted in buying pretty baby girl things
and dressing Kristin up like a little princess.
weeks, Kristin’s medical and nursing problems cleared up and Jennifer began to
embrace her new role as a mother.
Jennifer and Brad agreed that she would stay home to care for the
baby. Caring for her little girl filled
her with happiness. Jennifer often delighted in buying pretty baby girl things
and dressing Kristin up like a little princess.
As Kristin
went from baby to toddler, life became routine. During February of 1996, Brad
and Jennifer planned a trip to Disney World to escape the winter doldrums. At nineteen months, Kristin, was an easy-going
toddler who would enjoy the vacation too.
The trip turned out to be the trip of a lifetime, but when they returned
home, Jennifer felt suffocated by the monotony of housework, a lingering winter
and the demands of childcare.
went from baby to toddler, life became routine. During February of 1996, Brad
and Jennifer planned a trip to Disney World to escape the winter doldrums. At nineteen months, Kristin, was an easy-going
toddler who would enjoy the vacation too.
The trip turned out to be the trip of a lifetime, but when they returned
home, Jennifer felt suffocated by the monotony of housework, a lingering winter
and the demands of childcare.
Restless
A restlessness
nagged at her. Anything associated with
religion also became a bore for her at this time. “I feel like Catholicism was shoved down my
throat as a child, ” she complained to Brad.
“I don’t know if it’s right for me. Let’s take a look at some other
churches.”
nagged at her. Anything associated with
religion also became a bore for her at this time. “I feel like Catholicism was shoved down my
throat as a child, ” she complained to Brad.
“I don’t know if it’s right for me. Let’s take a look at some other
churches.”
Brad had no
interest in looking around at different faiths and she resented that he did not
support her interest. “Do what you have to do,” he told her, “but I’m not going
anywhere.” While many of his old friends had started turning to cocaine and
dealing drugs, Brad began embracing his faith with a passion; even to the point
of attending regular spiritual retreats put on by Opus Dei.
interest in looking around at different faiths and she resented that he did not
support her interest. “Do what you have to do,” he told her, “but I’m not going
anywhere.” While many of his old friends had started turning to cocaine and
dealing drugs, Brad began embracing his faith with a passion; even to the point
of attending regular spiritual retreats put on by Opus Dei.
He could not
share his enthusiasm with Jennifer, however. Even going to Mass was more than
she cared to do. Occasional shopping trips brought Jennifer some relief from
her boredom. Buying clothes was fun and
it also made her feel good to dress up Kristin or herself in something
new. Getting a sitter and going out with
Brad was something else that Jennifer enjoyed.
One of her favorite things to do was to go to the casino with Brad and
her mother. They would take forty
dollars and make an evening out of it.
share his enthusiasm with Jennifer, however. Even going to Mass was more than
she cared to do. Occasional shopping trips brought Jennifer some relief from
her boredom. Buying clothes was fun and
it also made her feel good to dress up Kristin or herself in something
new. Getting a sitter and going out with
Brad was something else that Jennifer enjoyed.
One of her favorite things to do was to go to the casino with Brad and
her mother. They would take forty
dollars and make an evening out of it.
As
Jennifer’s restlessness grew, her nights out with girlfriends increased,
usually at the casino. Before long,
Jennifer started going to the casino alone when she could not find someone to
go with her. Often she drove home
feeling euphoric, with a few hundred dollars more than she walked in with. But more often, she had to keep feeding money
into the insatiable machines that sucked up her coins.
Jennifer’s restlessness grew, her nights out with girlfriends increased,
usually at the casino. Before long,
Jennifer started going to the casino alone when she could not find someone to
go with her. Often she drove home
feeling euphoric, with a few hundred dollars more than she walked in with. But more often, she had to keep feeding money
into the insatiable machines that sucked up her coins.
Theexcitement and intensity of gambling made Jennifer feel alive while the dull
hues of the rest of life was something just to get through. The only other enjoyment she had at this time
was shopping. As the bills mounted, Brad
took notice. “Jennifer, you can’t keep
shopping like this…how many clothes do you and Kristin need?” He was
especially concerned about the cash advances on the credit cards that
evaporated into the casino. “Jennifer,
your gambling is getting out of hand,” he’d say. “You need to stop.”
“I’m so
sorry,” Jennifer would respond tearfully “I promise, I’ll quit.” She had every
intention of keeping her word at the time, but then the deep down craving to
release her tension and pull herself out of the doldrums by gambling grew until
she could not stand it.
sorry,” Jennifer would respond tearfully “I promise, I’ll quit.” She had every
intention of keeping her word at the time, but then the deep down craving to
release her tension and pull herself out of the doldrums by gambling grew until
she could not stand it.
“I need a
break,” she’d say to Brad. “I’m going
with some friends to play pool for a couple hours if that’s okay with
you?”
break,” she’d say to Brad. “I’m going
with some friends to play pool for a couple hours if that’s okay with
you?”
Brad’s
stomach began to tighten when Jennifer mentioned going out. “Is she really going out with friends or
to gamble?” Brad wondered. When the
credit card bills kept increasing, it was obvious Jennifer had started lying to
him. When Brad expressed suspicion,
Jennifer reacted with anger and headed straight for the casino anyways—angry at
Brad for questioning her.
stomach began to tighten when Jennifer mentioned going out. “Is she really going out with friends or
to gamble?” Brad wondered. When the
credit card bills kept increasing, it was obvious Jennifer had started lying to
him. When Brad expressed suspicion,
Jennifer reacted with anger and headed straight for the casino anyways—angry at
Brad for questioning her.
“Jennifer,
this has to stop,” Brad demanded one day after opening the bills. “Our minimum payment is up to $1000 a
month. Your gambling is ruining us.”
this has to stop,” Brad demanded one day after opening the bills. “Our minimum payment is up to $1000 a
month. Your gambling is ruining us.”
His patience
had worn thin and he began raising his voice when confronting Jennifer. Getting yelled at, even a little was
something that Jennifer could not stand.
Her reaction was explosive and resulted in another trip to the casino.
Sometimes, Jennifer would disappear for days at time. There was no longer any trust between them. Brad
started checking the car’s mileage and doubted Jennifer’s every word. Jennifer refused to address her own behavior
and instead began to see Brad as a hindrance to her happiness.
had worn thin and he began raising his voice when confronting Jennifer. Getting yelled at, even a little was
something that Jennifer could not stand.
Her reaction was explosive and resulted in another trip to the casino.
Sometimes, Jennifer would disappear for days at time. There was no longer any trust between them. Brad
started checking the car’s mileage and doubted Jennifer’s every word. Jennifer refused to address her own behavior
and instead began to see Brad as a hindrance to her happiness.
Maybe being
married was not a good idea, Jennifer began thinking. Jennifer still loved Brad
and Kristin, but she began to think that she just was not ready to be tied down
to such a seemingly dull life. In
contrast, Brad became more committed to his marriage. Daily Mass, the rosary and more time spent in
prayer were his weapons to fight the evil that was tearing apart his
family. Yet, the bills and the lies kept
mounting.
married was not a good idea, Jennifer began thinking. Jennifer still loved Brad
and Kristin, but she began to think that she just was not ready to be tied down
to such a seemingly dull life. In
contrast, Brad became more committed to his marriage. Daily Mass, the rosary and more time spent in
prayer were his weapons to fight the evil that was tearing apart his
family. Yet, the bills and the lies kept
mounting.
The Last Straw
During the
last week in December, Brad’s parents had arranged for everyone on their side
of the family to get together for a ski vacation. “I’m not feeling well,” Jennifer begged
off. “You go ahead and have fun, and
I’ll see you and Kristin when you get back.”
last week in December, Brad’s parents had arranged for everyone on their side
of the family to get together for a ski vacation. “I’m not feeling well,” Jennifer begged
off. “You go ahead and have fun, and
I’ll see you and Kristin when you get back.”
Brad was not
comfortable leaving Jennifer, but he could not physically drag her there.
“Okay,” Brad said skeptically, “I’ll see you in a few days.” But he was livid when he returned home to an
empty house. He took Kristin to his parents’ house and then drove to the
casino. It was New Year’s Eve, ten months since their Disneyland vacation.
comfortable leaving Jennifer, but he could not physically drag her there.
“Okay,” Brad said skeptically, “I’ll see you in a few days.” But he was livid when he returned home to an
empty house. He took Kristin to his parents’ house and then drove to the
casino. It was New Year’s Eve, ten months since their Disneyland vacation.
As his eyes
adjusted to the dim lighting, he frantically scanned the crowd for Jennifer’s
face. What he saw terrified him. It was Jennifer and yet it was not
Jennifer. Her zombie-like face was
fixated on a gambling machine until she noticed Brad. Then she instantly seethed with anger and
hatred at the sight of him.
adjusted to the dim lighting, he frantically scanned the crowd for Jennifer’s
face. What he saw terrified him. It was Jennifer and yet it was not
Jennifer. Her zombie-like face was
fixated on a gambling machine until she noticed Brad. Then she instantly seethed with anger and
hatred at the sight of him.
Something
snapped in Brad. “I cannot take it anymore,” he told Jennifer. “You need to leave our home.”
snapped in Brad. “I cannot take it anymore,” he told Jennifer. “You need to leave our home.”
“Fine,”
Jennifer responded defiantly, “Then I’ll leave.”
Jennifer responded defiantly, “Then I’ll leave.”
In spite of
kicking Jennifer out of the house, Brad still loved her intensely but he would
not continue to enable her destructive behavior. And Jennifer knew she still
loved Brad. It was the responsibility that went along with being a wife and
mother that no longer interested her.
kicking Jennifer out of the house, Brad still loved her intensely but he would
not continue to enable her destructive behavior. And Jennifer knew she still
loved Brad. It was the responsibility that went along with being a wife and
mother that no longer interested her.
Jennifer was
too proud to tell family or friends that Brad had kicked her out. She slept in
her car for the next two nights and continued to gamble. On the third day, Jennifer
won an $8,000 jackpot. She got an apartment and happily shopped for all the furnishings.
too proud to tell family or friends that Brad had kicked her out. She slept in
her car for the next two nights and continued to gamble. On the third day, Jennifer
won an $8,000 jackpot. She got an apartment and happily shopped for all the furnishings.
Staying the Course
Jennifer and
Brad maintained regular contact with each other and he kept faithfully praying
for her. But by the middle of February, Brad called a trusted priest who served
as his spiritual advisor. “Father, I’m
ready to throw in the towel,” Brad stated. “How long am I suppose to take
this?”
Brad maintained regular contact with each other and he kept faithfully praying
for her. But by the middle of February, Brad called a trusted priest who served
as his spiritual advisor. “Father, I’m
ready to throw in the towel,” Brad stated. “How long am I suppose to take
this?”
He expected
the priest to agree that maybe it was time to move on. Instead, Father’s response both surprised and
comforted him. “You take it forever,” he
said. “You are married to Jennifer forever. A peace and strength filled Brad as he
listened.
the priest to agree that maybe it was time to move on. Instead, Father’s response both surprised and
comforted him. “You take it forever,” he
said. “You are married to Jennifer forever. A peace and strength filled Brad as he
listened.
“But what if
she ends up divorcing me?” Brad asked.
she ends up divorcing me?” Brad asked.
“Then you go
on and raise your daughter without her but you will still be married to her.
You are being crucified like Jesus and your suffering is being offered up for
Jennifer with our Lord. It does not
matter how long it goes on, you are saving her soul with our Lord.”
on and raise your daughter without her but you will still be married to her.
You are being crucified like Jesus and your suffering is being offered up for
Jennifer with our Lord. It does not
matter how long it goes on, you are saving her soul with our Lord.”
Brad
suddenly found the strength and determination to stay the course. Father’s
straight talk solidified his determination.
There would be no quitting. His
work and suffering would be offered up for her soul and he would pray for
Jennifer now and forever, regardless of what her response to him was. Brad now fully understood the complete
lifetime commitment he had made to Jennifer before God, and he was determined
to keep it.
suddenly found the strength and determination to stay the course. Father’s
straight talk solidified his determination.
There would be no quitting. His
work and suffering would be offered up for her soul and he would pray for
Jennifer now and forever, regardless of what her response to him was. Brad now fully understood the complete
lifetime commitment he had made to Jennifer before God, and he was determined
to keep it.
The Weight of the Cross
Shortly
afterwards, Jennifer discovered she was pregnant. Like their love for one another, the physical
passion had never left their relationship.
Neither of them was surprised to learn of the pregnancy. But when Jennifer was just a couple months
along, a phone call from a male friend of Jennifer’s led Brad to believe that
the child was not his. Shaking, he drove
Kristin over to his parent’s house and then stormed over to Jennifer’s
apartment.
afterwards, Jennifer discovered she was pregnant. Like their love for one another, the physical
passion had never left their relationship.
Neither of them was surprised to learn of the pregnancy. But when Jennifer was just a couple months
along, a phone call from a male friend of Jennifer’s led Brad to believe that
the child was not his. Shaking, he drove
Kristin over to his parent’s house and then stormed over to Jennifer’s
apartment.
“How dare
you!” he screamed so loud that it cut into his throat. Seeing Jay’s fury and
hearing him scream terrified her.
Through everything, Brad had never done more than raise his voice. “That baby is not mine, you whore! How could you go to bed with another man?”
you!” he screamed so loud that it cut into his throat. Seeing Jay’s fury and
hearing him scream terrified her.
Through everything, Brad had never done more than raise his voice. “That baby is not mine, you whore! How could you go to bed with another man?”
Jennifer was
shocked and indignant. She had never
slept with anyone else. Brad’s rage
ignited her own. “You’re crazy!” she
yelled back. “You don’t know what the
hell you’re talking about!”
shocked and indignant. She had never
slept with anyone else. Brad’s rage
ignited her own. “You’re crazy!” she
yelled back. “You don’t know what the
hell you’re talking about!”
“You’re
nothing but a damn liar!” Brad hollered
at the top of his lungs.
nothing but a damn liar!” Brad hollered
at the top of his lungs.
Jennifer
grabbed the phone to call 911. She was
terrified that Jay had lost control. Jay grabbed the phone out of her hand and
yanked it out of the wall. The screaming
continued for several minutes until two police officers showed up. A neighbor had called.
grabbed the phone to call 911. She was
terrified that Jay had lost control. Jay grabbed the phone out of her hand and
yanked it out of the wall. The screaming
continued for several minutes until two police officers showed up. A neighbor had called.
Jennifer’s
hand had been cut when the phone cord scraped past it. Since the police saw
blood, they handcuffed Brad. “No, don’t
arrest him!” Jennifer pleaded. “It was
an accident.” Anyone trained in
domestic violence knows that typically the abused wife defends her abuser when
the police show up. So, Jennifer’s
defense of Jay fell on deaf ears. Brad was
charged with domestic violence and taken to jail.
hand had been cut when the phone cord scraped past it. Since the police saw
blood, they handcuffed Brad. “No, don’t
arrest him!” Jennifer pleaded. “It was
an accident.” Anyone trained in
domestic violence knows that typically the abused wife defends her abuser when
the police show up. So, Jennifer’s
defense of Jay fell on deaf ears. Brad was
charged with domestic violence and taken to jail.
Sitting in a
cell among hardened criminals, Brad was too exhausted and emotionally numb to
care about the sneers and curious looks from the other inmates. He pulled out his rosary. “This is the
cross,” he thought, “and I will carry it for Jennifer. In the name of the Father and of the Son…” The
next day, his dad bailed him out.
cell among hardened criminals, Brad was too exhausted and emotionally numb to
care about the sneers and curious looks from the other inmates. He pulled out his rosary. “This is the
cross,” he thought, “and I will carry it for Jennifer. In the name of the Father and of the Son…” The
next day, his dad bailed him out.
And Old Boyfriend
After Brad
left in handcuffs, Jennifer went to visit a friend in another town for a couple
days. During this time, she started thinking about Steve, who she had once
thought she was in love with. Since he was recently divorced, Jennifer began to
imagine getting back together with him. She drove for two days to New Mexico to see
him, hoping to get back together. Steve
agreed to meet her at a bar.
left in handcuffs, Jennifer went to visit a friend in another town for a couple
days. During this time, she started thinking about Steve, who she had once
thought she was in love with. Since he was recently divorced, Jennifer began to
imagine getting back together with him. She drove for two days to New Mexico to see
him, hoping to get back together. Steve
agreed to meet her at a bar.
“Hi,”
Jennifer smiled, walking up to Steve’s table.
The two talked for a couple hours as if they were picking up from where
they left off a few years earlier. Jennifer was ready to drop everything if
Steve would have her. After all, she
decided, there was nothing else to go back to.
Jennifer smiled, walking up to Steve’s table.
The two talked for a couple hours as if they were picking up from where
they left off a few years earlier. Jennifer was ready to drop everything if
Steve would have her. After all, she
decided, there was nothing else to go back to.
Steve
listened patiently as Jennifer confessed her troubles to him. His response did not fit the script she had
written in her head. “You need to get your butt back home and save your
marriage,” Steve said. “You’d be insane to leave your husband. Why would you
want to leave a man who has stuck by you through all this? You don’t know how good you have it.” Hearing these words spoken by an old boyfriend
was more than a rejection; it was an injection of reality.
listened patiently as Jennifer confessed her troubles to him. His response did not fit the script she had
written in her head. “You need to get your butt back home and save your
marriage,” Steve said. “You’d be insane to leave your husband. Why would you
want to leave a man who has stuck by you through all this? You don’t know how good you have it.” Hearing these words spoken by an old boyfriend
was more than a rejection; it was an injection of reality.
Steve did
not want her. And Jennifer suddenly
realized, she did not want him. She did
not even know Steve anymore and here she was ready to leave everything for
him. It was as if the cloud of insanity
that had covered her, began to lift.
Hearing Steve tell her what an incredible husband she had, forced her to
face the hell and humiliation she had put Brad through during the past
year. And somehow, even though she did
not deserve it, he still loved her.
not want her. And Jennifer suddenly
realized, she did not want him. She did
not even know Steve anymore and here she was ready to leave everything for
him. It was as if the cloud of insanity
that had covered her, began to lift.
Hearing Steve tell her what an incredible husband she had, forced her to
face the hell and humiliation she had put Brad through during the past
year. And somehow, even though she did
not deserve it, he still loved her.
Sitting
across from Steve, everything began to sink in: her selfish lifestyle, the
guilt for abandoning her daughter and husband, and the lack of sleep from her
drive. Jennifer finally crumbled. It was
time to stop running. The attraction of
the single life, spending sprees, and gambling became intensely hollow. Brad
and Kristin were the real treasures.
She was totally exhausted both physically and emotionally. Steve let her sleep on his couch a couple
nights then gave her gas money for food and to get back home.
across from Steve, everything began to sink in: her selfish lifestyle, the
guilt for abandoning her daughter and husband, and the lack of sleep from her
drive. Jennifer finally crumbled. It was
time to stop running. The attraction of
the single life, spending sprees, and gambling became intensely hollow. Brad
and Kristin were the real treasures.
She was totally exhausted both physically and emotionally. Steve let her sleep on his couch a couple
nights then gave her gas money for food and to get back home.
A Transformation
It was avery different Jennifer who drove back home.
Her heart throbbed with love for Brad and Kristin. She cried for the mistreatment she had
inflicted on them. And she did something
she had never really done before. She
prayed. There was no example of prayer
in her home while growing up, with the exception of a few rare blessings before
special dinners. But now, Jennifer
poured her heart out to God. “God, I’ll
do anything if you give me my family back.
Please let Brad still love me.
Please help us recover from all the damage I’ve done.”
Jennifer
expected that she would have to work hard to get Brad to accept her back. She trusted that he would still love her and
knew he would want them to raise their children together, but she did not
imagine that he could easily forget the hell she put him through. When she was halfway home, she called him at
work. “Brad,” she said nervously. “I’m
coming home. I’m so sorry for everything
that has happened. I want us to be
together again.”
expected that she would have to work hard to get Brad to accept her back. She trusted that he would still love her and
knew he would want them to raise their children together, but she did not
imagine that he could easily forget the hell she put him through. When she was halfway home, she called him at
work. “Brad,” she said nervously. “I’m
coming home. I’m so sorry for everything
that has happened. I want us to be
together again.”
Brad was
quiet a moment. “Well,” he said flatly,
“We will see.” He wanted to believe in
Jennifer, but she had disappointed him so many times before. He put down the phone and said a prayer.
quiet a moment. “Well,” he said flatly,
“We will see.” He wanted to believe in
Jennifer, but she had disappointed him so many times before. He put down the phone and said a prayer.
Jennifer got
back into the car and began pleading with God again. “Please let me have my life back again. I want to be a good Christian wife and
mother. Help me to be the person you
want me to be, Lord.”
back into the car and began pleading with God again. “Please let me have my life back again. I want to be a good Christian wife and
mother. Help me to be the person you
want me to be, Lord.”
Brad looked
up from his desk when Jennifer nervously opened the door and walked in. She looked like a scared kitten. He walked over to her and they embraced. “Can you take me back,” she cried, melting
into his arms. “I do want to be with you
for the rest of my life. I’m so sorry
for all the things I’ve done to hurt you.”
up from his desk when Jennifer nervously opened the door and walked in. She looked like a scared kitten. He walked over to her and they embraced. “Can you take me back,” she cried, melting
into his arms. “I do want to be with you
for the rest of my life. I’m so sorry
for all the things I’ve done to hurt you.”
“Yes, I’ll
take you back,” Brad said through tears of joy.
“I love you.”
take you back,” Brad said through tears of joy.
“I love you.”
Jennifer
moved back that day. Kristin squealed
with delight when she saw her. “Mommy’s
back,” she announced.
moved back that day. Kristin squealed
with delight when she saw her. “Mommy’s
back,” she announced.
“I love you
so much,” Jennifer said, hugging her little girl. “I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long. But I’m back now forever.” During the three months Jennifer moved out,
she still spent time with Kristin but her daughter made it clear that she
missed having her mommy at home.
so much,” Jennifer said, hugging her little girl. “I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long. But I’m back now forever.” During the three months Jennifer moved out,
she still spent time with Kristin but her daughter made it clear that she
missed having her mommy at home.
Brad
expected that there would be an adjustment for Jennifer, but amazingly, they
were able to pick up where they left off–only better. Waking up in her own home with her family
made Jennifer feel like the luckiest person in the world. She had expected that she would need to work
hard to prove herself, but Brad made it clear that he had forgiven everything
and would love her for the rest of her life.
expected that there would be an adjustment for Jennifer, but amazingly, they
were able to pick up where they left off–only better. Waking up in her own home with her family
made Jennifer feel like the luckiest person in the world. She had expected that she would need to work
hard to prove herself, but Brad made it clear that he had forgiven everything
and would love her for the rest of her life.
The week
after Jennifer returned was Easter.
Sitting at Mass, surrounded by family, tears of gratefulness filled her
eyes. Jennifer truly rejoiced that Jesus
Christ had risen that day.
after Jennifer returned was Easter.
Sitting at Mass, surrounded by family, tears of gratefulness filled her
eyes. Jennifer truly rejoiced that Jesus
Christ had risen that day.
The following weekend, Jennifer attended a women’s
retreat. She felt deeply embraced by
God’s love and forgiveness as she spent the time praying, listening to
speakers, and going to confession. For
Jennifer, Brad’s unconditional love brought her part of the way, and then God
took over. The desire to read the Bible and pray daily blossomed in her. Listening to speakers talk about God
sanctifying us through our daily life brought the deeper meaning she had been
searching for. Realizing that God was
giving her another baby also filled her with gratitude and a desire to live in
union with Him. Jennifer felt
overwhelmingly blessed when she reflected on her life; all the people who had
prayed for her, her motherhood, and Brad–a virtual hero in her eyes.
After the
retreat, Brad noticed a remarkable difference in Jennifer. She was more peaceful and confident in her
faith than he had ever seen her. It seemed as if she actually glowed with
joy. Now, Jennifer was finally able to
share Brad’s enthusiasm for his Catholic faith.
retreat, Brad noticed a remarkable difference in Jennifer. She was more peaceful and confident in her
faith than he had ever seen her. It seemed as if she actually glowed with
joy. Now, Jennifer was finally able to
share Brad’s enthusiasm for his Catholic faith.
Six months
after Jennifer’s return, she gave birth to another beautiful baby girl. That same month, the couple realized they
could no longer keep up with their minimum $1,200 a month credit card payments. They declared bankruptcy. It was an unfortunate consequence of
Jennifer’s past. But instead of
lamenting it, it was a reminder to them that they had so much to rejoice in
now.
after Jennifer’s return, she gave birth to another beautiful baby girl. That same month, the couple realized they
could no longer keep up with their minimum $1,200 a month credit card payments. They declared bankruptcy. It was an unfortunate consequence of
Jennifer’s past. But instead of
lamenting it, it was a reminder to them that they had so much to rejoice in
now.
Brad admits
that there were many times when the past threatened to haunt them. It would be a passing thought, or the
temptation to feel resentment for instance, when they had to pay a higher
interest rate than people with good credit.
For Jennifer, the temptation was to feel bad about herself–how could
she have done all that to her daughter and husband? Even though she trusted Brad’s forgiveness,
some memory would come up and it would hurt. But both Jennifer and Brad
understood the need to access their marital grace by running to God when
thoughts turned negative.
that there were many times when the past threatened to haunt them. It would be a passing thought, or the
temptation to feel resentment for instance, when they had to pay a higher
interest rate than people with good credit.
For Jennifer, the temptation was to feel bad about herself–how could
she have done all that to her daughter and husband? Even though she trusted Brad’s forgiveness,
some memory would come up and it would hurt. But both Jennifer and Brad
understood the need to access their marital grace by running to God when
thoughts turned negative.
“If these
thoughts popped into my head,” says Brad, “I would give it to our Lord and ask
Him to take it away. We need to ask for
the superhuman ability to forgive, even ourselves, because it’s too big for
mere humans. The only way I made it
through was by staying as close to God as I could.”
thoughts popped into my head,” says Brad, “I would give it to our Lord and ask
Him to take it away. We need to ask for
the superhuman ability to forgive, even ourselves, because it’s too big for
mere humans. The only way I made it
through was by staying as close to God as I could.”
Five years after Jennifer’s return,
she went into a casino with Brad. She
was appalled to the point of feeling nauseous by the emptiness she felt
watching people frantically gamble. “I knew they were like I had been,” says
Jennifer. “I wished I could tell them that if they put God in
that hole, it would overflow forever and never be empty.” And when it comes to
shopping, Jennifer says it’s just a chore now.
she went into a casino with Brad. She
was appalled to the point of feeling nauseous by the emptiness she felt
watching people frantically gamble. “I knew they were like I had been,” says
Jennifer. “I wished I could tell them that if they put God in
that hole, it would overflow forever and never be empty.” And when it comes to
shopping, Jennifer says it’s just a chore now.
It’s been eight years since Jennifer
returned home. They have five children
ranging in age from eleven to one. She
finds raising her family anything but mundane.
Although Jennifer has hobbies and a part-time job, she says it is God
and her family that fulfills her.
returned home. They have five children
ranging in age from eleven to one. She
finds raising her family anything but mundane.
Although Jennifer has hobbies and a part-time job, she says it is God
and her family that fulfills her.
As Brad and Jennifer look back over
the difficult times and the healing, both say that the love they share now for
one another, is deeper than anything they ever imagined on their wedding
day. “It feels as if there was an
overall purification for both of us,” says Brad. “It did not come easy, but God was with us
and gave us the grace we needed to persevere.”
the difficult times and the healing, both say that the love they share now for
one another, is deeper than anything they ever imagined on their wedding
day. “It feels as if there was an
overall purification for both of us,” says Brad. “It did not come easy, but God was with us
and gave us the grace we needed to persevere.”
__________________________________________________
This story was excerpted from Amazing
Grace for Married Couples. The names were changed to protect the couple’s
privacy.
Grace for Married Couples. The names were changed to protect the couple’s
privacy.
For more uplifting reading: Big Hearted: Inspiring Stories From Everyday Families a collection of stories on love and life, and Dear God, I Don’t Get It, children’s fiction that presents faith through a fun and exciting story.
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